I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
