I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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