Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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