I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
