where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
