well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
