Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
In America we eat man semen.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
