No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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