**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
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Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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