I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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