I love black thongs
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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