She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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