Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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