just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
