were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
