Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
