Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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