it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
