I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
