you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
