the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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