Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
