you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
