I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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