Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
