i wish peter jackson would direct porn
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
