There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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