Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
A bitchslap is in order.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
