so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
