I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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