I just made out with a guy for $7.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
