after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
