I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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