Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
