i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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