It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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