I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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