There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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