wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
