if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
