I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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