what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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