You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
