theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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