i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
