He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
