We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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