You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
