You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
