i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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