So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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