He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
