my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
