After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
