The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Can I color on your dick again?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
