is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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