instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
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we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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