she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
why do cheetos always look like penises
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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