I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
