Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
