I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
