that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
