I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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